Eating by the Riverside

I wish monsters existed. It would make life a lot more exciting. Yes, we have mosquitoes and dishonest bus drivers, but I mean beasts with many legs, long tails that can flick you in the face, sharp teeth, angry faces, a taste for flesh, ambitions of self-propogation, and a general disregard to road traffic laws. OK, there'll be a lot of blood, tears, familial distress, and the customary increase of body parts, but if all humans exert their efforts into a war on the monsters, then there will probably be a general reduction of death, as we would not be fighting each other. Maybe scientists should focus on creating a breed of monsters, or many breeds.

The Han, a massive river snaking its way though the middle of Seoul, traversed by many bridges. The banks lining this river are fascinating locations of public parks, 7-11s, toilets, exercise machines, greenery and foot and cycle paths. They are raised a little higher than river level, but if you so wish you can wander to the riverside and picnic by the polluted filth that you so choose as your setting, something that I have been doing of late with friends. The huge bridges that you frequently encounter along the riverside parks can provide shelter in the rain, large white pillars thrusting high into the air, cradling the weight of concrete, directing the course of the city's vehicles. Its a novel industrial setting for a picnic.

Teenagers "shoot the hoops", is that right, shoot the hoops? And if so, did I convincingly pull it off? Anyway, there they are playing basketball (thats better), friends and families lounge on blankets, drinking Soju and having fun. People mill around the 7-11s, eating noodles. You can do that, for here each 7-11 has a little counter with a microwave and hot water dispenser, where you can choose to eat your noodles, should your laziness and desire to be stared at, allow you to. The separate cycle, foot and motorcycle paths are not adhered to as I cycle with laid back ease, overtaken by cyclists, hardcore and fast. They have all in one body suits, goggles and masks over their nose and mouth. They try to focus on the burn, but need to negotiate with the mirth-makers, zigzagging with bold dominance across the cycle path. Speeding black phantoms that paint dark lines across a landscape dotted with people content to remain where they are. I am somewhere in between, as I make my way to a 7-11 to stock up on more beer and crisps.

There's a screaming in the distance, and everyone turns to its direction. Bounding along the path right next to the water is a river dwelling monster, usually well fed by the authorites to warrant infrequent land visits, but today the Han river monster is rapacious in its quest for human flesh. It's quite large, the size of a bus, with shiny amphibious skin, glistening from the moisture of a river sparkling with gentle irridescene in a setting sun. It is also fast, and many people unfortunately cannot outrun it, and the sorry individuals in its direct path are ruthlessy snapped up. Terror stricken faces, as their lives cut horrificly short, scar the souls of their loved ones whose hands they were holding but moments ago. The crunch can still be heard over the screams, and now blood adds new dimensions to a previously idyllic scene. Some people are caught by the fast flailing tail, one person sent arcing poetically into the river, soundtracked by a piercing scream that seems to be calling from an afterlife that has not yet been reached.

The beast has a large mouth, pouches in the side, large enough to store many human bodies, for later feasting. Its not yet full, so theres more food to get. People instinctivley run for cover in buildings, some clamber up stairways leading up to the bridge, but there's too much pushing and shoving, as the weak fall meekly to their crumpled death. Many find refuge in the outdoor toilets, large RV-like outbuildings, but they are only serving themselves as a convenient dish. The beast shrewdly sees this easy collection of people. He swerves catching a schoolgirl under foot, extinguishing a life worth chronicling; all she wanted was an ice-cream after her English classes. The beasts broad battering ram forehead slams into the side of the toilet, caving the flimsy wall in. Luckily I have found cover behind a large bridge pillar, hugging the white edifice with a fervour of hope that I will not be seen, the large spiders crawling over my hands with curiosity over this newly added landscape. I peek out and see the beasts head buried in the toilet building, body writhing in violent ecstasy as he chooses to take time and eat there. The wailing and high pitched screams seem like cries from hell's minions as the scene descends into a Dante-esque portrait of misery.

Soon military vehicles arrive with bullets that slam into the monsters back. Immediately it bounds away, and with a second glance all you see in the final splash of water as it makes its escape, leaving only a messy scene of broken lives. A scene that the army personnel begins to bring back to order.

In the next installment:
As the country mourns the dead of that fateful day, it is discovered that the little girl was the daughter of the Agricultural Minister. An unlikely love blossoms in the unlikeliest of places. And scientists work around the clock to create a chemical that poured into the river can kill the beast.

Anyway, if you like that you should watch a great monster film called The Host, a quintessentially Korean film, taking the monster film template and adding it own unique twist on things, where mobile phone companies and Soju saves the day.