The Classification of Koreans (Part I)

So I've been reading about whales and their classifications lately. I first came upon it reading Moby Dick. Then there was quite a relevant BBC news article about whaling, which included a classification of whales. Then I realised that something was wanting me to know about whales. Then did some more reading online. Then I got-a-thinking I should try my own piece of half-assed classification. This one will not be about whales, despite my new found knowledge of them, no, instead it will be about the different groups of people I have found here. This will not take into account individualism, for the purpose of classification seeks to cut out such niggling inconsistencies in favour of broad sweeping generalisations that makes the reader happy with easy managable knowledge when it comes to animals, but maybe a little suspect when you transfer this upon social human groups. You will not read a fair account of how people can be different, reflecting subtle deviances from social types, no, this will be a shameless and ill researched piece on the stereotypes, that I will help perpetrate in classic fashion. Everyone does it. So here we go:

There are the Hajimas, the middle aged housewives where, when you get a chance to see underneath their sun visors, large enough to eclipse anything the sun may have to offer, you will see a shrewd face, eyes narrowed, a puckered mouth, and a general scowl that will make you think twice to ask them for help, even if you were run down by a truck with you gathering your exposed guts into a managagable pile, in order to be sown up by a doctor later. Best wait for another passer-by. They are always about, either buying onions and cabbages from street stalls or power walking with extra weights added to their wrists and ankles, bum forced to swing left and right in a shockingly hypnotic vision. I suppose they like to be outside rather than couped up inside. They're like little Carmella Soprano's I suppose, bored at home, intent on activity, and with an irrational fear of death, which explains the vegetables and exercise I suppose, oh, and their unreasonable look of suspicion at everything they see. Usually solitary creatures of habit, but when meeting a friend they can be seen in pairs talking for hours. They feed on cabbages and fear from children.

The person you would want to call for help when you are coming to terms with your own mortality, trying not to let your intestines slip out of your fingers, are the schoolkids. Mainly because they are so helpful. They'd just enjoy the opportunity to converse in English to this dying foreigner. About 80% of them wear thick black rimmed glasses, often tiltled uncomfortably on their noses, something that personally I have serious issues with. I feel like asking them why they don't just get them fixed, levelled so its not assymmetrical. There are plenty of opticians. Anyway I digress. They wear fitted white shirts that end at the waist, too short to tuck in, with blue bands on the collar, usually, depending on the school, with obligatory grey skirts/trousers. They pay no heed to their open fascination of a westerner and honestly look at me and giggle with their friends. I don't mind, whatever makes them laugh. Once I went in a traditional Korean cafe and having difficulty in explaining what I wanted to eat to the waitress, a group of four Korean schoolboys of English, dove in like the trigger-happy white boys of the American midwest, only their bullets were words of rapid assistance as they eagerly translated what I wanted. "Excellent", I thought, "now that I know the word I can come back again and request it." Yeah, you would think that. Only the next time I went in and asked the lady slowly and clearly what I wanted to eat, she just stared at me. An infuriating stare that had the audacity to imply that I was the idiot, even though her open mouth and vacant eyes claimed otherwise. Anyway you can find schoolkids in groups of three to five. Sometimes they are seen solitary, but rarely do they remain so for long, for fear of social ostricisation. Groups of six or more are also rare, as it is physically impractical to keep together in such a highly populated city. Depending upon the season they feed on fried stall snacks and ice lollies.

Another group large in numbers are the trendy types, usually teenagers and young adults. You'll find none of your disgraced fifty-year olds dressing in teen clothing that you sometimes see back in England. You'll find the usual suspects of tight trousers for girls and boys alike, the white t-shirts with a black and white print of some other fashionably dressed person, possibly an ironic comment on fashion, but I don't think so, and the necessary display of converses. Girls also wear extremely short hotpants, but not so revealing tops. Its more customary here to cover up shoulders and chest and reveal legs and bums. A different take on fashion, which I would not call modesty, for modesty never really had a home in fashion, more a reflection on the need to maintain whiter skin here. Boys can be seen with plain coloured t-shirts or ones sporting some obscure reference to a British or American.... thing, I think. On special occasions when attempts are made to court a female, they can sometimes wear a smart black vest jacket. A fashion accessory, usually seen with girls, are little white dogs. The ones that are seen in many fashionable areas of cities all over the world, in an ever increasing phenomenon. These "accessory-dogs" also have accessories of their own. Little dogs with little fucking shoes on! Red with white stripes on the side, K-Swiss probably, bought from K-Swiss Dogs, and jackets that match the colour code of the high-legged, high-heeled, high-maintenenced style of the Korean beauty that haughtily walks past you, under her fancy parasol, whimpering in the heat, like the tired sighs of neglected Sirens. It can't be easy to keep all that up. They are usually seen in pairs, due to more developed friendship connections from their school days, however their eating habits are less developed, usually seen with frappucinos or ice-creams, brand names preferable. In a world of mutual disinterestedness from others in their social group, they feed on the stares of strangers and procurement of new fashions from New York. They are creatures of both day and night.

There are more, but for now I will leave the classification of Koreans lazily half completed.